Tag
by hobbits on the island
Summary: A mysterious black box is found on the island, and what is inside will divide all. Who will survive longest? Let the attacks begin...
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_In which nothing happens, because it's a useless prologue that I found on the kerb which said it would volunteer being a prologue because it was so useless. If you're the sort of person who does not enjoy prologues, or who are afraid of golfballs, like Lenny, I suggest skipping the said prologue, or enjoying a large bowl of chocolate pudding._

It's a slow day on the island. So sloooow…

They'd lost all the golf balls. The van was out of gas. And-

"Dude, I'm booored," Hurley moaned.

Charlie was too grumpy with boredom to answer.

"Dude, I said-"

"Bugger off," Charlie snapped crankily, half-heartedly strumming his guitar. It wasn't even that bad of a day. A little cloudy, maybe. Perhaps there was less breeze than desired. Whatever it was, it was driving everyone nuts.

"C'mon, dude, what can we do?"

Charlie stopped strumming. "I can only think of evil things," he admitted.

"Evil's fine by me, man," Hurley said. "Shoot."

Charlie collected his thoughts, giving up on his guitar altogether.

"Stage an Others attack," he suggested.

"Nah. That's a bit too evil."

"Play SlapJack."

"I think Jack went for a hike or something."

"Follow Kate around."

"Dude, if we do that one more time, she's gonna rip my head off."

They sat in silence a while. Then Charlie stood up and brushed the sand off his jeans.

"Well then, Hugo, can I interest you in a raid of Sawyer's stash?"


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

_In which Charlie finds an odd interest in locked boxes, Jesusstick's cousin is found, and Eko uses a church to strangle someone. But not in a creepy gory way._

So far, their raid was a failure.

They managed to snag two small carry-ons, seemingly untouched.

"Anything?" Hurley asked Charlie after rooting through his suitcase.

"Nothing," Charlie answered glumly.

They were both just about to give up, when-

"Hang on! There's something at the bottom here…"

* * *

The box was small, flat, black. Rather like a business briefcase, except that it was metal. And locked.

"Dude, how'd this thing get past airplane security?" Hurley wondered.

"Who cares? Let's open it," Charlie said eagerly, like a child at Christmas.

"There's gotta be some pretty valuable stuff inside, if they locked it and all," Hurley noted. But really, that's rather obvious, isn't it?

"Open open opennn" Charlie whined.

"Hold on, we need the key. How are we gonna open it without the-"

Hurley heard a warrior-like bawl from behind him. Charlie raced toward the mysterious box, and began clubbing it viciously with a large stick, that looked like it might be a close relative to the staff Eko carried around.

"OPEN, YOU SODDING MYSTERY BOX!!" he howled.

"Whoah, dude!" Hurley cried, waving his arms, "It's not a freakin' baby seal! Chill, man!"

Charlie lowered the stick, breathing heavily. Hurley the Charlie Whisperer quickly moved the box from his reach, still waving his arms in what he hoped was a soothing way

"Dude, calm down," he said slowly, "It's just a box. We can conquer it. We just gotta-"

The box latch popped open.

"Oh," Hurley said lamely as Charlie rushed past him and examined the box's contents.

"It's a binder," he said, "Full of-"

"Bumper stickers?" Hurley exclaimed curiously, peeking over his shoulder.

Bumper stickers. Big ones, small ones, and those medium sized ones who never get any credit because they're not big, nor small. A rainbow of colours to chose from and stick to the vehicle of your choice. Some had names of places, some had cheery greetings, some had atrocious quotes I'd rather not describe. Obviously this had been a cherished collection, but really, who collects bumper stickers and never uses them? Where's the fun in that?

"Hurley," Charlie said slowly, "We've found the world's largest sticker book."

There was a moment of numb shock as they stared at the binder in awe.

"Lemme see," Hurley grabbed the book and flipped through the pages. "Whoah, man, there's like, hundreds here."

Charlie snatched it back. "Heh. My mum had one of these," he said, peeling off a sticker with small print.

"Sooo…..what do we do now?" Hurley asked aloud.

Charlie was quiet a moment, then he put down the bood.

"Tag," he said, slapping hurley on the rump and running off.

"Hey!" Hurley twisted and turned and finally saw the sticker on his butt.

_If you can read this, you're waaay to close._

"Dude, I'm gonna kill you!" Hurley yelled after Charlie, Picking up the sticker book as he ran.

* * *

Eko was tying the last beam to the church rood when he hear a rustle from behind him.

"Tag, you're- gaah!"

Charlie's feet were dangling in the air as Eko pinned him to the beam with his stick.

"Charlie," Eko said, surprised. He released his grip and Charlie slid to the ground. "What is it?"

"Sorry, mate," Charlie gasped, "Just wanted… to say…"

He slapped Eko on the cheek.

"TAG, YOU'RE IT!"

Eko then noticed the FIFA football plastered on Charlie's shoulder.

_I scored in England!_

He felt his cheek. Something was stuck to it that was shaped like a flower. His Jesus-stick had a bright yellow smiley face above an old bloodstain.

_Stay on the sunny side!_

Tag. He hadn't played tag since he was a boy.


	3. Chapter Three

* * *

**Chapter Three**

_Which includes information on a feeble attempt at flirting, damaged eardrums, and treehuggers. _

"Hello, Juliet." The blonde looked up from her waterbottle.

"Hi, Sayid!" Juliet smiled brightly, "Are you attempting civil conversation, or am I in trouble again?"

Sayid squatted beside her. "I was just wondering if you knew what was going on in the camp."

She shrugged. "I don't know; people were running around and shouting, but I didn't hear anything specific, why do you ask?"

Sayid nodded at her answer solemnly. "I just thought you should know," he said in a steady voice, smoothing a bumper sticker on the back of her neck, "that you're it."

Juliet spotted the _Did you hug a tree today?_ sticker on his knee that looked like whoever stuck it there had endured quite a tussle. She laughed.

"You people are so weird when you're bored."

* * *

Sawyer looked over his dog-eared paperback to see Nikki, the hot chick that always wore the tubetops, standing in front of him with her hands on her hips.

"Hey sugarpop, you're blockin' my sun."

Nikki kept her stance. "I haven't seen you around camp lately," she said. "You, ah, had any visitors lately?"

"Well, seeing as I was enjoyin' myself up till now, I'd say you're the first one to grace my doorstep, Stardust," he replied, irritated. "What do you want, anyhow?"

Nikki suddenly smiled, and perched beside him on the edge of the airplane seat.

"I just want to look at you," she sighed.

Sawyer opted for his signature cocked eyebrow to hide his surprise. "Enjoying the view?"

She leaned into him, placed a hand on his chest, her face inching closer.

"Sawyer," she said in a breathy voice, "You're so hot, you're so… manly…" Then her lips missed his and carried on towards his ear. "You're…IT!!!!"

Nikki jumped up and dashed away as Sawyer fell off his chair in surprise. She no longer hid the Calvin and Hobbes sticker on her hip, but waved her arms and shouted, "I got him!"

Sawyer groaned and rubbed the pink bumper sticker Nikki had sneakily placed on his chest.

_I ride with pretty boys._

Damn. It was gonna hurt like hell if he pulled it off.

"Don't pretend like you didn't enjoy that!" Sawyer yelled after her. He rolled over in the sand, bumping into the binder Nikki had left behind. He was It, huh?

"Hey, Rambina," he called to passing Ana-Lucia, "You wanna sticker?"

"Can you catch me?" she called back.

"Oh, no you don't," he growled, taking off after her.


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

…_is extremely short._

Boone slowed his pace, air coming out his lungs in short gasps.

"HEY!" he called out, "Who's It?"

"Hello, Boone." Locke stood behind him, proving yet again that he could sneak up on Boone at any given time. The sticker on his bald head proclaimed CHICK MAGNET in fluorescent green.

Locke smiled, a manic gleam in his eye. Boone gulped.

"Oh, snap."


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

_...hates these silly italics_

* * *

"Your brother told me about a game of tag everyone's playing," Sun said nonchalantly, folding another clean shirt. 

Shannon scoffed, applying a second coat of mulberry shade nail polish to her toes. "That stupid game? Everybody's acting like a bunch of snotty ten-year-olds." She dipped her brush back into the bottle and started on her left foot. "They're all going nuts. Sayid was, like, attacked by that priest guy, so I came over here. Chinese people don't play tag, right? You are Chinese, right? Sun?"

Sun lowered the towel she was folding and gave Shannon a smile she'd never seen before. It was almost evil. A yellow yield sigh boldly proclaiming _Baby on Board_ gleamed on the side of her shirt.

Shannon groaned. "Shit, _Boone_."

Sun nodded sympathetically and smothered Shannon's front with a long green-and-yellow bumper sticker.

_Git r' done!_

"Krap, my toes aren't dry," Shannon moaned. "Fine, I'll play your friggin game. Someone's gonna pay hell." She walked away with the sticker book, grumbling.

* * *

"Hey, Chinese guy!" 

Jin turned from the net he was cleaning to meet a hand smacking a sticker across his forehead, sealing his left eye shut.

"Hah! You're It," Shannon yelled triumphantly.

Jin didn't know what to do. Was he being attacked? What the hell was going on? He ran around, cursing in a string of Korean.

"It! You're IT! PLAY THE FREAKING GAME!!" Shannon screamed, "TAG!!"

Jin stopped, searching his meagre knowledge of English. "Tag?"

Shannon shoved the sticker book into his hands. "Tag."

"Tag."

* * *

Jin burst through the bushes, startling Kate in her hiding place. His face was disfigured by a Proud Grandmother sticker smothering most of his forehead and left eye. 

They stood staring at each other in silence for two beats, then Jin queried,

"Tag?"

Kate smiled. "Tag."

The chase was on.


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

_In which things happen, and those things lead to occurrences which result in events that had nothing to do with those things_.

* * *

"DAAAAD!" 

Michael rushed over to his son in panic, Vincent at his side.

"Walt! Wha-"

A bumper sticker found its way over his nose.

_What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas._

Walt grinned. "That was too easy."

* * *

"Aaron, will you stop your fussing," Claire cooed, picking him up and patting him on the back. "I just can't figure out what's wrong with him," she told Desmond, "He's not running a fever, I changed him ten minutes ago, and I just fed him!" She wiped her brow and continued her rant, "By the way, did you hear about that game of tag going on? Rose came by looking for Bernard and either Scott or Steve, I can't remember which one, had this disturbing picture of a huuuge-" 

"Claire?" Desmond smiled warmly and pointed to Aaron's bottom, where someone had put a large, shiny bumper sticker.

_Shit happens._

"Not that I don't think your conversations aren't interesting and all, Claire, but I think you could do without talking for a while," he told her, smacking a shamrock-shaped sticker over her mouth.

_Honk if you're Irish!_

Claire stared at him in shock as he strode off, a sticker on the small of his back. Then she spotted Alex near the kitchen tent, looking nervous and stickerless. Hah! Fresh prey…

* * *

"It's nearly noon," Charlie said breathlessly, "We must've gotten everyone by now." 

Hurley counted stickers. "No, dude, there's a few left…Hey! Half the pages are missing!"

Eko and Sayid walked by, dragging a beaten-looking Paolo. He was covered in stickers.

"HE was taking a nap," Sayid explained, "The women ambushed him."

"This means war!" Charlie roared, peeling off a sticker and brandishing it in the air.


	7. The Last One I Think

**Chapter Seven**

_...hang on a second!!! Why's the writing gone all wobbly?!? Help!!!!_

* * *

Jack trudged through the jungle, ignoring his aching feet and sore shoulders. 

Almost there!

Oddly, he couldn't wait to sit around and do nothing. When he got back, he was going to eat something hot, relax-

He stepped in front of a bush and met pandemonium.

Stickers. Flying everywhere. Everyone was plastered with stickers in every colour on various body parts. People were attacking others with the sticky, automobile decorations. What the hell was going on?! Honestly, he couldn't leave these people alone for two minutes-

"It's Jack!" All turned and stared, some in a guilty, caught-in-the-act way, others were just plain creepy.

"Hey," Hurley pointed out, "He hasn't been tagged yet."

"He's the last one," a voice from the Technicolor crowd, Charlie, added.

Jack cleared his throat, puzzled. "Unh…What's going on?"

"We were bored, Doc," said Sawyer -at least, he thought it was Sawyer; most of the talker's face was smothered in stickers, so he couldn't be sure. "You got a problem with that??"

The mood began to change. Everyone stared at poor confused Jack in a very hungry-looking way.

"Congratulations, Jack!" Kate strode up to him and grinned, "You're the winner."

Jack craned his head every way for an escape route, but multicoloured bodies pressed in on him. He swallowed, his mouth dry.

"Winner? What did I win?"

She smiled evilly, smacking something sticky and heart-shaped on his butt.

"Stickers, Jack. Lots and lots of stickers."

* * *

**The end…for now…dundunduun**

_I just had to get this story off me chest, so if you did read, thanks!! I'll add something more if you notice what's missing from this story!!_


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